These words of advice have been calling out to me for days now. Last week, they came from my priest when I finally went to talk to him.  I grumbled, “I just don’t get it, my youngest went to five day a week preschool this year, there is no one home but me for several hours every day. I thought I would have so much time, but instead I am just running in circles trying to accomplish a million tasks never giving anything the full attention it needs. I can’t even write my blog! When I try to string thoughts together too many things flood my mind… I type, delete and then just stare at a blank screen.”

He looked me square in the eye and said, “Girl, you need to sit down! Take time for yourself, take time to listen to God! You’re role as a mommy has been redefined a bit, you need time to figure it out.” But how? There is too much to do to sit down. The dishwasher has to be unloaded, and reloaded from the morning disaster, Katie’s prescriptions need to be renewed, doctor’s appointments have to be scheduled, research needs to be done for several issues Katie is having, and then there is that daily trip to the grocery store…the next thing you know it is 12:30, time to shove lunch in my mouth and head to carpool.

But he was right, I had to find time to refocus myself, what is my new role in the quietness of my home. I was so used to the constant movement of three kids this summer that I got lost in silence. Not what I was expecting! But unfortunately my mind doesn’t know how to stop, it constantly races with all that needs to be done. That’s it!! An Ah Ha moment…what really needs to be done? Does the house really need to be perfect, does my to-do list have to be filled with check marks or is life much simpler?  I sometimes miss the beautiful moments, the moments of interacting with others. I’m in too big of a rush to actually listen to what my child needs, “Sorry honey we will talk later, we can’t be late for school.” Or I just look right through the nice lady in the grocery store who may have needed my help, I’m too focused on my list…always the list, that darn list!!

When I stop, take time to “sit down” and clear my mind I can hear God and He often says, “Just Love!” Everyday life presents opportunities to either show God’s love or not.  To stop and listen to Lexi or rush her along as if her words don’t matter. I can hook Katie up to her tube feeding with a thankful heart because she gets the nutrition she needs or I can gripe because it’s just not fair. I can yell at Drew to stop jumping on the couch or I can sit him down, patiently explain the dangers of his actions and thank God for his ability to jump. When I make my choices based on God’s will my life is way more peaceful.

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So as my role as mommy changes a bit I have a choice…I can strive for an earthy perfection that will never be enough or I can “sit down” and listen to what God has planned for me. It’s a daily struggle, but on more days I am making the right choices. The choices that lead to more love, more beauty and more peace.

“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.” Psalm 37:7